My Tysabri Diary...

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you - I hope you are enjoying this romantic day and evening with the one you love instead of reading my words over the internet.

Today has been hard on me emotionally, as yesterday I received my final divorce decree in the mail, ending my 26 year marriage, and I just started crying. Don't get me wrong - I was the one that filed for the divorce, and I was not crying over my ex - I was crying over all those years I wasted on the him, 26 years down the drain.

Of course I have friends that I love, and they love me. But it's not the same kind of love. Last night I tried to occupy my time and thoughts by helping others on the various MS message boards, and it did, for a while.

Then came this morning, and a wave of sadness engulfed me once again....Valentine's Day...and I started crying again as I reminisced about all the wonderful-romantic days we had shared over the years, and how we built our lives together, the struggles, the triumps, and everything in between, now forever gone. I found myself for a split second resenting not only my ex, but also those in love - and I had to stop myself from going down that road which only leads to a 'pity party'. He already ruined my memories of the love we shared in the past - I was not going to allow him to ruin one minute of my future.

As a friend of mine put it - our marriage had a 'shelf-life', and it has now expired. I reminded myself that "Our todays are only our stepping stones for our tomorrows".

My caregiver, Ray, even went out and bought me the cutest stuffed doggie for my bed, and it matches my quilt colors, and it's BIG too. When my kitty jumped up on the bed and saw it - she attacked it and then ran outside. I started laughing so hard that Ray came in and asked, "What's going on in here? Your cat just bolted out the door like she saw a coyote licking it's chops!" That cracked me up even more when I explained to him what she did to the stuffed doggie on the bed, and I said, "Maybe she heard the stuffed animal mutter under his breath, LUNCH!" - LOL

Short pity party, eh?

Anyway, I am having my 5th Tysabri infusion on Monday, 2/19...now that I'm excited about, woooohooooo!

Much love to you all,

****»*«****{{{ Happy Valentine's Day! }}}****»*«****

(((hugs)))
Love, Lauren
A very proud member of www.MSpatientsforchoice.org